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Music: "The Beverly Hillbillies Theme" -- Wagner, it ain't
Come and listen to my story 'bout a German boy,
Raised in the woods with neither book nor toy.
Worked with swords till they cut real clean,
Killed him a dragon when he was seventeen.
Siegfried, that is.
Nice boy. Big. Strong. Clueless.
Elsewhere in the woods, in a ring of flame.
Was a warrior maiden, Brunahild by name.
The Valkyries said she'd disobeyed her pa.
So they took away her helmet -- and her brass bra.
The Nibelung fighters had to be the best,
With Attila to the east and the Romans to the west.
They needed a hero like Siegfried, you see,
'Cause King Gundohar flunked R.O.T.C.
It's a good thing his dear old mother was a witch.
She said, "Get ahold of Siegfried; he will make you rich."
So Siegfried married Gudrun, beneath a lucky star,
And Brunahild married King Gundohar.
Big mistake. . . .
Any soap opera fan will tell you so. . . .
So they all lived together, a miserable life:
Siegfried in love with his brother-in-law's wife.
But Siegfried won them battles till somebody said.
"Get out the silver bullets; we want this wolf-boy dead."
That's right. . . Kill off your best warrior. . . .
You wouldn't last five minutes in the Outlands
So the king killed Siegfried; Brunhilda killed herself;
And Gudrun was left, all crying on the shelf.
To be Siegfried's widow isn't any fun
So she went off and married - with Attila the Hun.
BIG mistake. You think everyone was dead before?
He likes killing people. . . . .
[Segue into "Ride of the Valkyries" here]
Kill the Wabbit,
kill the Wabbit. . . .
Lyrics: © Patricia Shaw Mathews
Image: "Siegfried with Nothung Reforged", Arthur Rackham,
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