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~ By Courtesy of Others ~

The Havamal for New Yawkas

Let Us Begin:
Stanza 1:
When you open a door
look around, take a good long look
for you can't know for certain when
muggers are waiting in the hallway.

Stanza 2:
It's good to be a host! An invited guest has come over
Let him take a load off his feet.
He's had a hectic day and he knows
you'll be prying him for gossip.

Stanza 3
If a guest of yours is freezing
they need to sit by the space heater, and you should order a pizza
After a long trip in wet clothes, if they don't change
they'll catch cold and get pneumonia.

Stanza 4:
When someone comes ovah for dinner give him a drink,
let him use the can, and make him feel at home.
Be Nice, and he will have an interesting conversation
and listen to you in return.

Stanza 5:
When you leave the house, don't forget to wear your thinking cap
At Home, you can walk around in your underwear
Aspiring writers make fun of simple minded people
when they attempt open mike poetry slam in the Village.

Stanza 6:
Its obnoxious to brag about how smart you think you are.
Actually, its kinda stupid.
When a moron hangs out with smart people
They insult him to his face while he is clueless.

Stanza 7:
If you wanna get ahead in life shut up, smile, and listen.

Stanza 8:
A guy is lucky to get compliments
and have people like him
Still, some people are nasty by nature
And will talk s*it about him.

Stanza 9:
A guy is lucky who is liked during life
and who doesn't go senile
Still people often give him cruddy advice.

Stanza 10:
If you need to bring something with you on the subway
take your common sense along
It will prove most valuable on the A-Train at 1 a.m.
When the crazies ask you for money or look at you and touch themselves.

Stanza 11:
If you need to bring something with you on the subway
take your common sense along
It goes without saying, that the worst thing you could bring
is a half-finished bottle of Thunderbird.
If you don't get fined by the subway cops, you'll pay up in the morning.

Stanza 12
Beer isn't as good for people
As some say it is
The more yous drink
The less you know about human nature.

Stanza 13:
The pigeon of senility circles over the drunks
He steals their wits
This freakin' sky rat sh*t on my car
When I parked it around the corner from Gunnlod's co-op.

Stanza 14:
I was drunk off my tuchas, singing Twisted Sister
songs with the karaoke machine
When I went to Fjalar's party
The best way to sober up and get your dignity back
is to puke until you hurt.

Stanza 15:
An executive's child should be quiet and considerate at the office picnic
But take no sh*t from anybody
Everyone should be happy-go-lucky
Until they are old enough to get away with being crabby.

Stanza 16:
An idiot thinks he is immortal
So long as he avoids his bullies
But old age will take his soul's lunch money along with his life
When his playground thugs are in diapers.

Stanza 17:
An idiot just sits there being weiad when he comes to visit
Harmlessly talking to himself or just staring into space, drooling.
You give that idiot a drink, you get to hear his life story in two minutes,
over and over for two hours.

Stanza 18:
Get out of the hay and stop schtupping your sista
You freakin' hick.
When get outta your cow town, and find a little cultcha
you will see that not everybody in the world counts to twelve on their fingers.

Stanza 19:
When you go to a bar, you shouldn't hold on to your drink
but nurse it like you spent your last dollar
You gotta say something useful, or say nothing at all
Nobody will think you are rude.
If you go home for the 10 o'clock news.

Stanza 20:
The money-hungry stockbroker, unless he watches himself in a bear market
Will eat everything on life's Downtown mini mart salad bar smorgasboard
He gets laughed out of bankruptcy court
And teased by all his co-workers.

Stanza 21:
Cows know when they've chewed enough cud
They are full, then go back into the barn
But the stupid a*shole ovah there eats
Until his bowels tell him otherwise.

Stanza 22:
He's a miserable yutz, with a nasty disposition
Never lacking a smartass comment
He doesn't think to look into the mirror
to see that he is not freakin' perfect.

Stanza 23:
The worrywart stays up all night
obsessing about things he can't control
When morning comes his life still sucks
And on top of that, he's tired.

Stanza 24
A fool's gonna think
that everyone who laughs with him is his homeboy.
What he don't see is that they be dissin him behind his back
when he hangs with the wise.

Stanza 25
A fool's gonna think
that everyone who laughs with him is his homeboy.
But when he ends up in small claims court
Nobody wants to testify in his defense.

Stanza 26
A fool knows all the right answers to everything
while he sits by himself at a party.
But when people start asking questions
He suddenly forgets the answers.

Stanza 27
If an idiot must mingle with others
His best bet is to keep quiet
No one will catch on to his stupidity
Unless he opens his mouth to remove all doubts;
The poor idiot never figures out in time
when he has said too much,
that's why he's an idiot.

Stanza 28
Bright people ask the right questions
and answer them the right way
A player doesn't deny knowing
the rumor of the day.

Stanza 29
An endless stream of meaningless and pointless words pour from
the mouth of a Bigmouth
A smartass comment , if not well placed
Could land its owner in traction.

Stanza 30
Its never right to humiliate
someone doing you a favor or putting you up
Many people come across as wonderful
When they aren't placed under the microscope,
Or simply smile and say "No Comment" when faced with a scandal .
Stanza 31:
A Guest finds a person who trashes others clever
So long as it is someone else being jested
But can never be sure while talking trash
That he isn't among his enimies.

Stanza 32:
Though they have beers together off the clock
when friends sit on different sides of the desk.
There will always be a sore spot
in a social situation.

Stanza 33:
A Guy should always eat early
unless he's going eat with friends.
Else he seems depressed, or in hypoglycemic rage
and talking to him is no picnic.

Stanza 34
Its a bus ride through New Jersey leading to a fake friend
Even if he lives a block away
But no matter how far away a good friend lives,
a visit is like an elevator ride upstairs.

Stanza 35
A houseguest must go, continuing the journey
and never sleep on the same sofabed twice.
If he sits too long In another's Lay-Z-Boy
He goes from loved to loathed.

Stanza 36
One's own place is best,
even if the kitchen is in the bedroom of a 5th Floor Walkup
Everyone is ruler of their own castle.
Even if all one has is Salvation Army furniture and lives in Crack town
Its better then living with your parents and counting on the Lotto.

Stanza 37
One's own place is best,
even if the kitchen is in the bedroom of a 5th Floor Walkup
Everyone is king of their own castle.
His Soul aches, he who must
live on the street and beg spare change.

Stanza 38:
Weapons:Don't Leave Home Without Them!
You never know when that cute little Mace on your Keychain
Will Come in Handy.

Stanza 39:
I've never met anyone who was so rich or so generous
That they didn't like getting a gift.
Nor anybody who gave gifts so selflessly
That they did not find a heartfelt present to be a victory of sorts.

Stanza 40:
Don't become a materialistic bastard
Money hungry conspicuous consumerism obsessed
, when what you've earned in life is not enough.
Often what is meant for family and friends
Goes to stockholders forcing a hostile takeover
This Sucks more then yous know!

Stanza 41:
Make your buddies happy with haute coture and hand grenades
(even some tschotscke from Chinatown will do- use your judgement)
Gifts are the measure of a person's esteem
If the sisters smile on you, friends last longest
Who gift each other often.

Stanza 42:
Be good to your friends, treat them well
and repay a gift with gift.
a joke with a joke, a smile with a smile
But return a lie with a lie. Martyrdom gets you nowhere.

Stanza 43:
Be good to your friends, treat them well
and repay a gift with gift.
But watch your butt around
rather then befriend, the friends of your enimies.

Stanza 44:
Do ya have a friend who you really trust
and want only the best for them?
Speak your mind with them, Exchange gifts with them
And see and call them often.

Stanza 45:
I bet ya know someone that you don't really trust
but want to see be happy!
Flatter them, keep the nasty commentary to yourself
But repay their lies with lies.

Stanza 46:
And about the one you don't trust as far as you can throw
and revel in their misery?
Laugh with them, keep up the facade, hide your thoughts
And give them everything that they give to you.

Stanza 47:
When I was a kid, I hitchiked across the country to find myself
Feeling confused and depressed along the way.
Until I made a friend on the way, I felt so rich
People bring each other joy.

Stanza 48:
The Most Blessed people
are free and bold, they live life without regret
The nervous wreck is always muddled, the cynic, disallusioned
and the nasty jerk hates to share.

Stanza 49:
With a taxi waiting for me,
On a quiet street in Tribeca I gave the Prada suit I was wearing
To Wooden Sculptures of people in a Pop Art Gallery.
They seemed like heroes
among the brightly colored hundred thousand dollar junk
Once they were dressed
What a transgressive yet timeless statement I made:
Its the naked who suffer shame.

Stanza 50:
The old fire hydrant rusts atop an abandoned hill
No co-ops nor cars protect it.
Just like the man that nobody loves
He has no reason to exist.

Stanza 51:
Hotter then the underground subways in July between false friends
Burns the fondness for five days.
But on the sixth day it cools off
And the friendship goes into the crapper.

Stanza 52:
People aren't always that generous,
Often people give the most minor of accolades.
With a slice of pizza and half a diet coke
I've made myself an ally.

Stanza 53:
Like Sands in the Hourglass, Like Puddles on the Beach
The human mind is small.
People aren't equally smart.
Folks everywhere are half bright, half dim.

Stanza 54:
A person should be averagely wise,
not a genuis.
The one who lives the best life
Knows just enough to get by.

Stanza 55:
A person should be averagely wise,
not a genuis.
For knowledge makes one's heart despondent
If the owner is too wise.

Stanza 56:
A person should be averagely wise,
not a genuis.
Cause a guy can't know what's gonna happen to you
If he wants to live stress-free.

Stanza 57:
A match steals its flame from another match.
fire passed along from fire.
Somebody gains wit talking to others
But silly from being anti-social.

Stanza 58:
She should rise before the sun, the woman who needs
to take a life or foreclose another's property;
The snoring pit-bull does not get the table scraps.
Nor the asleep person success.

Stanza 59:
The small businessperson should wake up early.
And work intelligently and creatively;
The executive who sleeps til noon overlooks details
Tenacity is half the secret of wealth.

Stanza 60:
A good transmission and well tuned engine
Can show someone its reliability.
And reveal the car which might survive
a month or three at best.

Stanza 61:
Showered and fed, one should go to court
Even if their clothes are not the greatest;
Nobody should be ashamed of their shoes or pants
or of their mode of transit, BMW or bus.

Stanza 62:
A pigeon shakes its head and twitches
when it drinks from a filthy puddle;
Much like a guy who faces an inquisition
with few to defend him.

Stanza 63:
Wise folks should ask questions and answer
If they want to be thought of as bright;
if you tell one person a secret, never tell it to a second one
If you tell it to 3 people, you might as well put it on a billboard at Times Square.

Stanza 64:
A guy who gives solid advice
Should use that power in moderation;
for in the company of tough guys he finds
There is no one bravest of all.

Stanza 65:
For the things people tell each other
they often get payback.

Stanza 66:
I've come way too early to some places,
And other times past fashionably late;
The coffee was gone, or sometimes not yet brewed
Unpopular people have consistently terrible timing.

Stanza 67:
Every so often, I've been invited over for dinner
when I wasn't even hungry;
Or two chickens would be on the grill
When I'd just finished one.

Stanza 68:
Decent heating is best for people
and to see the sun;
Also health if one can keep it
Without losing one's dignity through illness.

Stanza 69:
No man is a complete scumbucket, even if he has suck luck
One man is blessed with beautiful children;
Another close family, another a fat wallet
Another has accomplished great things.

Stanza 70:
Being alive beats being dead any day
Its the living one who gets the promotion
I saw a rich guy burst into flames
he lay dead in my alley.

Stanza 71:
A lame man drives a cab, the handless man gives psychoanalysis
The deaf man can be a brilliant political strategist.
Its better to be blind then to be hanged
Nobody has much use for a corpse.

Stanza 72:
An heir is best, even if born late
after the father is dead.
Seldom do gravestones get placed
unless a relative raises them.

Stanza 73:
Two things can be your undoing
A Loose tounge can put a bullet in your head;
And under a jacket
expect to find an armed fist.

Stanza 74:
Somebody with a fat wallet can't wait until night for clubbing and dining
La Guardia has short landing strips
Fall nights are changeable;
you get all kinds of weather in 10 days,
And even more by the month.

Stanza 75:
Even a dumbass knows that money fools people
A guy is rich, another not rich
Ain't no blame in that.

Stanza 76:
Pets Die, Relatives Die
And even you will someday die;
But Glory never dies
for the person who is able to acheive it.

Stanza 77:
Pets Die, Relatives Die
And even you will someday die;
But I know something that is eternal
The reputation of the dead.

Stanza 78:
Full pantries I saw for Forbes 500 CEO's
Now they carry signs at BQE off ramps that say 'Will Work For Food';
Wealth is fleeting like a fireworks display
Its an unreliable friend.

Stanza 79:
A fool, if he somehow scores
money or true love;
He gets more arrogant while his common sense depletes
Or lives in a pink elephant rollerskating down the street tattooing upc symbols on people type delusion.

Stanza 80:
What the runes tell you will certainly happen
They hold great fame and potency;
Made by the great gods
Bloodied by the Alfather.
Be careful what you ask them.

Stanza 81:
At night, one should praise the day that has just ended,
the lover at the funeral,
The gun, once it has been fired;
The girl when she becomes a woman,
The road once it has been driven on,
the cocktail when you have finished it.

Stanza 82:
On a cool day, one should fix the heater
Embark on a road trip on a nice day;
In Darkness, Chat with a prospective lover, too many can see what goes on in daylight
Drive a car to get around, Learn Martial Arts for defense, Use a weapon for war, and a lover for kissing.

Stanza 83:
One should have a beer by the fireplace,
one should go iceskating, enjoy life's simple pleasures.
Buy a used car and housewares from wholesalers.
You can tune up your car at home and train your shelter-adopted dog.

Stanza 84:
Words of an ignorant girl are dubious
Trust not the words of a "been there done that" expert on all
They've capricious hearts, as if formed on a potter's wheel
Lies seething inside their chests.

Stanza 85:
A loaded gun, a burning fire
a hungry predator, an airborne seagull,
a ranting psychotic, a rootless fern,
a slight ocean undertoe, a pot of boiling water,

Stanza 86:
a flying bullet, a subway stopped,
an icy sidewalk, a boa constrictor around your neck,
a lover's sex talk, an expired can of mace,
a "routine" building evacuation, or a politician's child,

Stanza 87:
an ailing oven, or an insolent employee,
a new age self-help guru,
an ambulance fresh corpse
These things are never to be trusted.

Stanza 88:
An early planted garden should not be trusted by anybody,
Don't trust too early in a child;
Weather determines the crops, and mind for the child
Both of these are risks.

Stanza 89:
A sibling's murderer, if you meet him on the street,
A fire-damaged house, a taxi driver who thinks he's in the Indy 500
A car is useless if the engine dies-
Don't be so naieve as to trust in these things.

Stanza 90:
Such is a lover's affections, of those with petty minds
it's like rollerblading across an icy potholed street in Queens,
An un-potty trained two year old peeing all over itself and shreiking
Or riding a brakeless bicycle down a mountain
Or trying to chase down a mugger uphill with a broken leg.

Stanza 91:
To be blunt, since I've known both:
Men's hearts are fickle towards women
We may say sweet things, but we think awful things,
To the point of mucking up a usually sharp mind.

Stanza 92:
He has to speak sweetly and take out to nice places
A man wanting a woman's love;
Compliment the appearance and accomplishments of the remarkable woman.
He who gives, listens, and respects, gets.

Stanza 93:
Never mock another person for the folly of love;
Often the brilliant man is captivated
While the dullard is unaffected
By a hottie.

Stanza 94:
Never mock another person for the folly of love;
Its common among men
Guys of all walks of life turn into idiots
When seized by this burning desire.

Stanza 95:
Only the mind can deceipher the heart
he alone can understand his spirit
There is no greater tragedy to a smart man
Then to never know what it is to be loved.

Stanza 96:
This I learned while I sat on a knoll in Central Park
And waited for my unrequited love;
I'd have given the brilliant woman my body and soul,
But she decided to "just be friends".

Stanza 97:
Billing's girl I found on a bed,
sleeping as the sunlight from the window caressed her face
The pleasures of wealth and privellege meant nothing to me,
If I could not share my life with her.

Stanza 98:
'Odin, come back later tonight,
if you'd like to meet with a great woman;'
Its embarrassing to make wooing a public affair.

Stanza 99:
I returned, thinking she loved me,
that we would be intimate,
in the truest sense
and that we'd share our hearts and bodies.

Stanza 100:
So I went to her apartment, ready for anything
And my pager went off, there was an emergency at work
I hailed a cab and hurried to my office
My desires weren't to be realized that night.

Stanza 101:
So I returned to her apartment just before dawn
Her roommates were asleep
A growling doberman glared at me as it lay at the foot
of the bed of that good woman.

Stanza 102:
Many nice girls when you get to know them
take pleasure in playing stickball with men's hearts;
I learned this when I tried seducing
that crafty woman into shame;
She devised a myriad of embarrassments for me,
And she was never even my girlfriend.

Stanza 103:
At home , one should be joyful and upbeat with a guest,
and handle himself shrewdly;
Well spoken and with a good memory if he wants to be very wise
He should talk about happy things
A dips*it is what they call someone who can't speak for himself
That is a major characheristic of a fool.

Stanza 104:
I saw that haggard old giant, now I'm home
My silence didn't serve me well;
I used lots of words to my advantage
at Sutting's place.

Stanza 105:
From her antique Chippendale chair, Gunnlod gave me
a glass of her precious mead
I ended up screwing her over in return
For her hospitality and openness.

Stanza 106:
Incognito, I did my thing
breaking through the concrete
I was between an overpass and an underpass on the Giants' highway
I coulda been killed.

Stanza 107:
That dimestore bottled beauty came in handy
intelligent folks are pretty industriousness
I scored some Odrerir
to lay in the hofs of men.

Stanza 108:
I'm not so sure as to if
I'd have come back to the Giants' halls
If I couldn't use Gunnlod, that sweet lady
and flirt with her shamlessly.

Stanza 109:
That afternoon, the Frost Giants went
to ask the High One for advice at his mansion
They asked if Bolverk was hanging out with the Gods,
or if Suttung had whacked him.

Stanza 110:
I thought Odin had sworn on the sacred ring,
how the hell can you trust him?
He dicked Suttung over at the feast
And Gunnlod, he put her in therapy.

Stanza 111:
It was time to look from my high seat
into Wyrd's well
I saw and was quiet, I saw and I pondered
I could hear people talking
They were talking about the runes and about good advice
at the High One's home, in the High One's home; This is what they said:

Stanza 112:
If I were you, Wiseguy, I'd take this advice
Learn this, and learn it good;
It will help you to know this:
Don't get up in the middle of the night, except to look around
unless ya gotta use the john.

Stanza 113:
If I were you, Wiseguy, I'd take this advice
Learn this, and learn it good;
It will help you to know this:
Never bang a sorceress,
She'll cast spells on your limbs.

Stanza 114:
She'll make it so that you could care less
about your career or politics;
you'll be disgusted by food and other people
You'll go to sleep a misery.

Stanza 115:
If I were you, Wiseguy, I'd take this advice
Learn this, and learn it good;
It will help you to know this:
Never become good friends
with a married woman.

Stanza 116:
If I were you, Wiseguy, I'd take this advice
Learn this, and learn it good;
It will help you to know this:
When you embark on a long trip
be sure to do it on a full stomach.

Stanza 117:
If I were you, Wiseguy, I'd take this advice
Learn this, and learn it good;
It will help you to know this:
Never let an a*shole know
about your personal problems
from a nasty schmuck you'll never get
good wishes in return.

Stanza 118:
I watched a guy croak
over a horrible gal's words;
a vindictive statement caused him to die
even though she pulled the accusation out of her ass.

Stanza 119:
If I were you, Wiseguy, I'd take this advice
Learn this, and learn it good;
It will help you to know this:
If you got yous a pal yous trust, like a brother to you,
Go to see him often;
Cause potholes sink, and trash collects, on the roads nobody travels.

Stanza 120:
If I were you, Wiseguy, I'd take this advice
Learn this, and learn it good;
It will help you to know this:
make a good man a good friend
and learn to heal throughout your life.

Stanza 121:
If I were you, Wiseguy, I'd take this advice
Learn this, and learn it good;
It will help you to know this:
Don't start fights with friends;
It breaks your heart if you got
nobody to confide in.

Stanza 122:
If I were you, Wiseguy, I'd take this advice
Learn this, and learn it good;
It will help you to know this:
never argue with an idiot.

Stanza 123:
From a selfish jerk you'll never get
anything in return;
But from a good guy
you'll be assured of praise.

Stanza 124:
You can share all of your thoughts
with close family & friends
nothing's worse then being wishy-washy;
Anyone who only tells you what you want to hear
is no true friend.

Stanza 125:
If I were you, Wiseguy, I'd take this advice
Learn this, and learn it good;
It will help you to know this:
even a few fighting words are too many with an inferior person;
A lot of the time the better guy backs off
When the worse guy fights.

Stanza 126:
If I were you, Wiseguy, I'd take this advice
Learn this, and learn it good;
It will help you to know this:
Don't do construction or sew clothes for anybody but yourself
If the wall collapses or the stitches disintegrate
you could have an enemy for life.

Stanza 127:
If I were you, Wiseguy, I'd take this advice
Learn this, and learn it good;
It will help you to know this:
When you see injustice, speak out to change it
Make no peace with your enemies.

Stanza 128:
If I were you, Wiseguy, I'd take this advice
Learn this, and learn it good;
It will help you to know this:
you do good things, if it comes from within
don't let cruelty make you happy
instead be a paragon of approval.

Stanza 129:
If I were you, Wiseguy, I'd take this advice
Learn this, and learn it good;
It will help you to know this:
never look up during a fight
people can panic
and be open to the evil eye.

Stanza 130:
If I were you, Wiseguy, I'd take this advice
Learn this, and learn it good;
It will help you to know this:
If you want a lover as a good friend to talk to
and to have great sex with
Make great promises and keep them
Nobody tires of a great relationship, if they can find it.

Stanza 131:
If I were you, Wiseguy, I'd take this advice
Learn this, and learn it good;
It will help you to know this:
I'm telling you, be careful but not neurotic;
watch your butt around liquor and married women
and thirdly, be on the lookout for theives who don't con you.

Stanza 132:
If I were you, Wiseguy, I'd take this advice
Learn this, and learn it good;
It will help you to know this:
Never insult or make fun of
a guest or a drifter.

Stanza 133:
A lot of the time people at parties have no idea
whose friends or family a new person is;
no guy is so good that he's freaking perfect,
or such a loser that he can't do at least one thing right.

Stanza 134:
If I were you, Wiseguy, I'd take this advice
Learn this, and learn it good;
It will help you to know this:
Never laugh at a grey haired wiseman
The old say useful stuff quite a lot;
often from a wrinkled bitty comes wise advice,
from those who sit on the benches along Ocean Parkway playing canasta all day
and putter around the mall for the air conditioning
and eat dinner at four o' clock.

Stanza 135:
If I were you, Wiseguy, I'd take this advice
Learn this, and learn it good;
It will help you to know this:
don't yell at your guests or ask them to leave
treat the unfortunates well.

Stanza 136:
Its a strong hinge that needs to bend
to open up the door for everybody
call before you visit, or eventually
you'll piss somebody off to the point of violence.

Stanza 137:
If I were you, Wiseguy, I'd take this advice
Learn this, and learn it good;
It will help you to know this:
When you get drunk, ground yourself with the power of the earth!
Cause earth will absorb your drunkenness, fire will absorb against being sick;
Chew Oak instead of ex lax, eat corn to ward against curses,
lean against the hall during family fights, for hatred, call upon the power of the moon-
Rub an earthworm against a sting or bite, use runes to defend you against evil;
Sandbags will help redirect a flood.

Stanza 138:
I can remember hanging on that wind blasted tree
Nine excruciating nights,
I suffered knife wounds, given to Odin,
I offered myself to myself
on the tree where nobody knows
exactly where its roots run.

Stanza 139:
I was denied food and even liquids
I looked down into what looked like a void;
I experienced the runes, I screamed as I took them,
And then I fell from there, liberated.

Stanza 140:
I learned nine potent spells from my well known uncle
Son of Bolthor, Bestla's dad.
And at last I scored a drink of that very special mead,
from the mouth of ecstatic OedridthR.

Stanza 141:
Then I felt energetic, heightened reflexes, I became wise
Evolving and Gaining within myself, I reached my full potential
One word merged into the next
One action began the next, life began to flow.

Stanza 142:
You must find the runes, and that necessary symbol,
The symbol of greatness,
The symbol of power,
Stained with the blood of the sage and strong
Fashioned by the Great and Temperate Gods
And carved by their most visionary Runemaster.

Stanza 143:
In the Aesir, this was Odin, Dain carved for the alfar,
Dvalin did this for dwarves,
The Jontar chose Asvid.
I also got to carve some.

Stanza 144:
Can you carve? Can you decipher?,
Do you know what it takes to stain, or how to run diagnostics,
Have you got understanding of how to question the runes or how to give to them,
Know how to send them out, or how to kill?
Talk about multitasking...

Stanza 145:
It's better not to pray then to give too much
one gift always begs for another;
Better that you do nothing then sacrifice exceedingly.
Thund carved before the history of all things, times, and places.
Where he stood, he returned, stuck.

Stanza 146:
I'm aware of spells which even rulers' families are ignorant of;
as are the children of any man;
One is called 'help',
This protects you
against sadness and accusations
or anything that brings anxiety.

Stanza 147:
I know a second, people really need it,
Especially those who are doctors or healers.

Stanza 148:
I find the third charm extremely handy,
It incapacitates my enemies;
The barrels of their guns become warped,
No weapon,object, nor bodily force will allow them to inflict harm.

Stanza 149:
The fourth one I've learned is mighty useful under the current administration.
If somebody puts me in chains or tries to restrain my body
I can say a little chant and walk away free
shackles open at my feet,
cuffs part at my wrists.

Stanza 150:
I know a fifth one where if I see a bullet flying to harm,
in a battle or on the street headed towards those on my side
It will slow down, so it will fly slowly enough
that I can flick it away.

Stanza 151:
Numero Six is for those pricks
trying to do me harm with herbal charms:
The one who tried to hurt me
ends up getting all of the pain he tried to send.

Stanza 152:
The seventh one's in case I see a raging fire
at the homes of those I care for:
The flames recede until they can be stamped out,
I know just what to chant.

Stanza 153:
I know an eighth charm, the useful sort
that everyone could use;
When hatred builds between brothers,
I can quickly resolve matters.

Stanza 154:
Number nine might be needed
if I'm at sea to protect my ship;
I can rest the wind upon the waves
and sing the sea to sleep.

Stanza 155:
The tenth charm is great
for malicious astral projectors, bite me Starhawk!;
I can fix it so that they lose their way
to their own bodies and their 'mundane' spirits
never to return.

Stanza 156:
The eleventh one is a lifesaver, literally.
When I've got to lead loyal companions into war,
I chant a little ditty over their sheilds
so that they arrive safely, and return safely, with safety in between
With hardly a bruise to show for it.

Stanza 157:
Twelfth on my list is unusual, but sometimes helpful.
If I look up at a tree and happen to find
a lifeless person dangling from a noose;
I can carve & color certain runes until
the corpse revives,
and we can have a conversation.

Stanza 158:
Thirteenth charm is so that if i sprinkle h2o
over a young soldier;
That soldier will survive battle,
and not fall prey to the danger of swords.

Stanza 159:
The fourteenth one I know is for when
I need to decipher between Gods & Men;
I can differentiate between dwarves and alfar,
Few, not privy to wisdom have this talent.

Stanza 160:
I picked up the fifteenth charm from the dwarf Thiorerir
who sung this at Delling's door;
He sung for the Aesir and also for the alfar,
Imparting wisdom over us.

Stanza 161:
Sixteenth is sweet, if I desire;
a brilliant woman's heart and touches:
I can change the mind of a strong willed woman
and have her think highly of me.

Stanza 162:
I know a seventeenth, so that very few
young ladies will not desire me.
Of these charms, Wiseguy,
you will want to discover them all.
Of course they'd be great for you if you got them,
helpful if you would learn them, and convenient if you posessed them.

Stanza 163:
The eighteenth charm is kind of private
I'll never share it with any woman-
truth be told, its better that I alone possess it;
all spell lists end this way it seems...
except perhaps I might tell the one woman who is my other,
she who alone makes me whole,
or perhaps even my sister.

Stanza 164:
Now, the song of the High One has been sung in the High One's mansion;
Its invaluable for humans,
yet useless to the Jontar.
Luck to those that recite it,
Success to those who know!
May the ones who learned it benefit,
and those who have listened be lucky!

By courtesy of the New York Metro Asatru Society (NYMAS).

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