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The Attack of Grendel. . .
. . . Grendel grabbed this poor guy who was asleep,
and bit him clean in two, drank up all his blood,
ate the poor bastard, even the hands and feet and all them bony bits,
and didn't even use no barbecue sauce!
Then he was 'bout to grab him some other guy,
as if Hrothgar's place was some All-You-Can-Eat Catfish restaurant
that was havin' a weekday $4.99 special on raw human flesh.
But then Beowulf grabbed Grendel's arm and got him in an Anaconda!
Then he swung him around and nailed his ass with the Forearm Drop!
Man, Grendel was groaning, but he got up and came after ol' Beowulf,
but Beowulf grabbed him, and WOW! A Texas Piledriver! That had ta hurt!
Beowulf thought Grendel just might tap out after that one,
but Grendel managed to get up, and he climbed up on the ropes,
and BOOM! His Elbow Drop knocked Beowulf to the mat!
But he flexed them 24-inch pythons and shoved Grendel off
before Grendel could get up and finish with his signature Powerbomb,
and then got him by the arm in a Hammerlock!
There was so much noise and yelling,
it was as if Hrothgar's WWE Arena was gonna fall down!
The whole audience was throwin' chairs and goin' nuts. . .
© Ben Waggoner
Ben Waggoner has translated numerous Old Norse Sagas.
His books on Lulu.
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