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~ By Courtesy of Others ~

To Be Christian or Not to be Christian?
"Our God Does That Too!"

Preacher: Our God is one, and yet has three aspects.s
Viking:     You don't say? funny, our god Ošin comes in three forms too, 
                 Ošin, Villi and Ve. 
                 Sometimes they're brothers and sometimes they're one person.

Preacher: Ah, but our God made a great sacrifice for us.
Viking:     Yeah?

Preacher: He was crucified...
Viking:     ???

Preacher: Hung on a cross - the tree of redemption. He even suffered the indignity of a spear thrust though his side.
Viking:     Strange you should say that. Ošin hanged himself on a tree with a spear in his side.

Preacher: Yeah? Well, I bet he didn't come back to life again.
Viking:      Of course he did. Why would we call him a god if he were dead?

Preacher: I can see I'm not getting through here. Let me tell you what will happen in the last days of earth. A horn will sound...
Viking:     It's not called Gjallarhorn, is it?

Preacher: I hadn't finished. A horn will sound and the Lord of Hosts will lead multitudes against the hordes of Hell 
                 who are released to join battle.
Viking:      I know that. And they'll all die...

Preacher: Hah! But not us! The elect will survive and a new world will arise where we will live in peace for ever.
Viking:      I hadn't finished either. That new world will be called Gimli and men and gods shall live in peace.

Preacher: [sigh] Not if you're not a Christian, you won't. The unrighteous will burn in everlasting Hell. 
                 The righteous shall sit with God and sing hymns of splendour.
Viking:     They'll be lucky. Christians are not allowed to fight. If they're not allowed to fight they won't be getting very far.

Preacher: Fight? We are allowed to fight. If it is a just cause we must fight.
Viking:      Just cause, eh? Hmm...
 
Preacher:  [getting carried away] Of course! With the armour of righteousness, and the breastplate of ....
Viking:       Whoa, whoa, stop! What's that? Do all Christians get them?

Preacher: Of course. We are assured so by St. Paul. They are the rightful inheritance of all true followers of Christ.
Viking:      Do they protect against these new winged spears? Nasty things they are. And my armour's getting a bit worn.

Preacher [expansively]: They protect against everything!
Viking [waking up]:       They do? Where do I sign?

© Telsa "Hobbit" Gwynne 1994

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