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~ By Courtesy of Others ~


Haakon and the Abbess

Haakon the fair went boldly forth
Along the English coast
Until he chanced both ship and crew
Against a mighty Danish host.

Into the waves he cast himself
His war-coat still upon him,
For Ran herself could take him not,
So fierce did Freya love him.

From burning deck and drowning mail
By Freya’s grace he was freed,
So to Brísingamen’s mistress pledged
To fill her every need.

Iron blade or honey sword,
In battle or in bed--
While Freya’s thirst is yet unslaked
Haakon will strive ‘til dead!

Upon the beach bestrode the Abess,
A saint and true believer,
To lay upon him Christian curse
And punish our bold reaver.

'Wolf no more' she did him cry,
'But Lamb of God be damned',
And so fell Haakon on the shore
And rose a wooly Ram.

She led him to the convent gate
Unto the gathered flock;
Freya save me, did he bleat
As the convent gate did lock.

At dawn the novices did come
For currying and fleecing,
Two attended the newfound ram
Whose wool was soft and pleasing.

The novices laughed and jested then
About the ram's great member
Until one wished it was a man
Between her arms so tender.

Brísingamen’s mistress smiled,
Haakon resumed his nature:
Honey sword in Freya’s cause
Took both the novice measure!

When all were spent, his wool returned
The novices beheld their secret treasure
Locked away from the sight of men
And yet given one for leisure.

Day on day the novices come
To slake bold Freya’s thirst,
Haakon held hard to his vow
For death would take him first!

Against bold Haakon now did come
Nuns and novices by the dozen;
The Vikings might was failing fast
So many must he cozen.

Come springtime next, the signs were clear
Whether saint or goddess won,
Over half the convent great with child
Both Novices and Nun.

The Abbess drove ram Haakon off,
But the whole flock followed for reason;
After half a year of watching him
Now the sheep had come in season!

So careful now, ye reaving lads
Who boast your manly prowess,
Be careful when you to Freya boast,
Or end like Haakon and the Abbess!

© John T Mainer    Heathen Freehold Society of BC

This work by John T Mainer is licensed under a
Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivatives License.

The Freyr's Press of the Heathen Freehold Society of BC:
Kindertales and Kindertales 2 by John T Mainer et al.


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